Preggers?

I’ve got kids on the brain.

I spent some time with my niece Caitlyn on Tuesday night. We sat and talked about her playing on the basketball team. She played “Three Blind Mice” for me on her new clarinet and told me all about her new brother or sister that is supposed to be coming into this world at any given moment. She said to me, “It’s going to be a girl. I’m going to win the bet. Caroline Elizabeth, 8 pounds on February 5th.” She flashed her darling crooked little smile at me and said, “We have the same glasses! Me and you!”

There’s nothing like the love coming from a little person. It’s the best medicine.
It’s pretty darn cool being an Aunt and I’m glad that my niece likes me. It feels good to know that. My nephew seems to dig me, too, but for the most part Uncle Brian is the Cat’s Pajamas. But then there’s Sam… my little cousin and one of the biggest loves of my life… who runs and jumps into my arms every time he sees me. That’s the stuff.

I’ve been spending a lot of time at my friend Lori’s house. She has three boys. 5, 3 and 3 months. I watch her and I think… I could do this. Granted she does it single-handedly while drinking a bottle of wine with me and keeping a miraculously clean house. It’s quite a feat… but I still think I could do it.

There are so many new mommies around me, it isn’t even funny. I hate to say it… But I’ve got the itch. I keep daydreaming about a big, swollen pregnant tummy and my husband rubbing me with Cocoa-Butter and treating me like a goddess.

There are a few hitches…

1) I am afraid of childbirth. I think it sounds like the most physically terrifying thing that a woman has to go through. Really? Squeezing something the size of a watermelon out of a hole the size of a lemon? Not cool. Really. Who’s idea was that?!

2) I don’t think I will ever be ready to give up what Brian and I have. I don’t want to change the way we spend our time together. I don’t want to miss out on the option of having a bottle of wine over candlelight on any given weeknight. I don’t want to miss an impulsive weekend getaway or a lazy Sunday lying in bed with our legs intertwined, snoozing the day away only to get up for more energy from greasy take out.

3) I’m afraid that I am not going to be a cool Mom. Brian is going to be the fun parent and I am going to be the disciplinarian that makes her kids chew with their mouth closed and say please and thank you. I’m so not going to be the one that my kids want to hang with. I just can feel it.

But really… How do you get ready for that? For a mini walking and talking combo pack of me and Brian mixed into one little person? How do you prepare yourself for the idea that a being will come into the world under your watch, and will believe anything you say? Even believe that a man in a red suit will jump down the chimney and bring you anything out of your wildest dreams as long as you behave? That carrots make your eyes sparkle and fish makes you smarter if you eat it the night before a big spelling test?

I don’t know. I really don’t know about any of it… but for some reason I have this gnawing curiosity to find out.