How do we go about forgiving ourselves for mistakes we’ve made when we haven’t yet been forgiven by the people we’ve hurt? Is it possible to truly forgive yourself for something you know was wrong at the time?
“Of all the forms of wisdom, hindsight is by general consent the least merciful, the most unforgiving.” -Anonymous
I’m trying desperately to stop looking backward. I’m trying to learn how to embrace myself for who I am and that would include who I was in the past. By examining all of the questionable choices I made, I am attempting to prevent regrets from happening again.
I believe I am a good person. But there are those times late at night where I am awake wide-eyed, heart pounding asking myself if I have made all of the right decisions in my lifetime to get where I am today. I know I over think. I know I process things that happen over and over in my head a thousand times more than a normal person would.
There are things I can’t change that I am learning to accept.
I can’t change the fact that I left University of Colorado due to an emotional breakdown and never finished my degree. That I maxed out three credit cards. That I wasn’t a good sister to my brother when we were growing up. That I was arrested for a felony. That I cheated and broke a few hearts. That I lost a few friendships for being selfish. That I ran my mouth at loved ones when I was emotional and am still paying for it.
I wonder what would happen if I actually sat down and apologized to the people that I’ve done wrong to. Would it matter now after all this time? I certainly can’t go back and erase any of it. But maybe it would give me closure?
In hindsight, if I had to live my life again I'd make all the same mistakes--only sooner. Just so I could live, learn and get the hell on with it. But really? Hindsight is a bitch.
2 comments:
Morgan,
That was very brave and I am sure for you very scary. In a world where we judge and are judged daily, you laid out all the dark pieces of your life, to be read and judged.
You have set yourself free. What more can you do then what you have done, to expose and lay bare for all the world to see.? Nothing.
This is what life and life's lessons and a dose of hindsight truly does, it shows us that we are suppose to live life and make mistakes in our youth and grow and learn from them....You are not the person you were then and you never will be again.
You are a glorious, strong and amazing WOMAN, that I am proud of and love with all of my heart.
You put it out there, it's gone and now just keep walking forward and remember, you never have to look back. Learn new lessons and love your life.
ABATS,
Your Auntie Kim Forever........
Morgan,
EVERYONE makes mistakes, it is time to let go of the past and the pain. Trust in your inner goodness and letting your Higher Power lead you during a hurtful time.
* Letting go of fears for the future.
* Allowing yourself to be vulnerable to growth.
* Taking a risk.
* Letting go of self-hostility, resentment and self-destructive behaviors.
* Working out your self-anger.
* Overlooking slight relapses or steps backward and getting back on the wagon of recovery immediately.
* Developing a personal spirituality.
* Developing an openness to the belief that you can change.
* Developing trust in yourself.
* Open, honest and assertive communication with yourself concerning hurts, pains and offenses experienced.
* Identifying and replacing the irrational beliefs that block your ability to forgive yourself.
Life is a journey full of ups and downs. The down times are meant as a learning tool.
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