The Girl That Lived on Larson Road

This is one of my favorite times of the year. The weather is changing. The air smells different and the wind is more blustery. When you run out of the house on an errand you need to grab a jacket or sweater in case it gets chilly. Walking home from work last night, I had to turn up my collar, fold my arms and walk a little more briskly.

This is why I don’t think I could ever move out of New England. (Yes- we have been thinking about moving out of New England to warmer climates.) Problem being- I love having seasons. There is nothing like it. I love that I have to go out and get new sweaters- no matter how many are already hanging in my closet. Having to wear a jean jacket with everything. Flip flops changing to flats or big boots. Big cups of tea to take the chill out. Extra blankets to keep warm at night while sleeping. Long walks with leaves crunching under your feet. I love it all.

Strangely enough, fall makes me nostalgic. I find that I spend a lot of time reflecting on the past. Thinking about decisions I've made, on past relationships and places I’ve traveled to. I do a lot of soul searching in the fall. It can be a good and a bad thing.

I'm getting this feeling that life is flying past me, right before my eyes... I feel like it was just yesterday that I was a little girl preparing her new back pack and first day of school outfit. That familiar pang of anxiety about the first day. Where to sit in the lunch room and who may be in my gym class. I often have dreams that I am back in high school and cannot remember my locker combination.

I worry that I am not keeping promises to myself. The ones that I made back in my bedroom on Larson Road while sprawled across my floral bedspread staring up at my glow-in-the-dark star galaxy. I try so hard to be that girl again and to see through her eyes. To try and put myself back in her big brown boots so that I can dream big without any hint of reality getting in the way.

Autumn makes me revisit parts of myself that I've kept locked away for a while. At times, I feel like that girl that broke all the rules and is just playing grown-up. I reminisce about that girl who let loose and found trouble in all the wrong places. Spending nights sitting at a bonfire in the middle of the woods in autumn, sipping from a keg cup. Finding a home amongst strangers at festivals, listening to music that made you feel as if the world was wide open. I often got lost in the searching. There was never fear of new places or difficult times. I want to be that girl with the cool Penny Lane jacket running through the cobblestone streets of Florence, looking for trouble. Just like it was yesterday- when its really been seven years.