I spent the weekend with Auntie and Sam. They got to our house on Saturday night and we ended up having dinner at Bellizzi in Larchmont. It's an Italian place with a large game room for kids to play in so that the adults can maintain their sanity while enjoying a decent meal.
Sam came to visit last year around this time. We took him to the same restaurant. He and I played air hockey for about a half hour. The puck and table had the name "Sam" inscribed on it. The first thing that he asked for was, "Can we please go to that restaurant where we play the hockey thing and it says Sam on it?!" I mean... how could you possibly refuse?
After dinner we hung at home and baked Monster Cookies. We put on our pjs and watched "Night at the Museum." It was pretty ironic that it was on, since we planned to go to the Natural History Museum the following day. I love watching movies with Sam. Actually, I love watching movies with kids in general. It doesn't get much better than watching them slap their own knee and laugh out loud at a funny line or moment in the movie. It's pretty hilarious watching their reactions and hearing their interpretations of what is going to happen next.
I love when family comes to visit. No matter who it is, it gives me such joy to have them in my house. I would give anything to be able to import all of the people I care about to NY. I would strategically place them close by. To have the opportunity to meet up for dinner once in a while... catch a soccer game... go to a school play... anything? It would make me the happiest girl in the world. It's tough to be away from the children that we have in our lives- even though they aren't our own.
Recently, Brian and I met this woman. She was thirty-seven and had one son. We were all at a friend's house hanging out. She was talking about her son and the love that she has for him. She was being somewhat condesending when she said to Brian, "You will never know what it is like to love a child. People think that they know but they have no idea until you do it yourself." Brian responded, "Right. I have no idea. Just like I would never rip out my kidney and give it to my niece or nephew if they needed it? Just like I wouldn't lay down in front of a bus for them if I needed to?" She didn't have much to say after that.
It's funny. Brian and I talk about having children a lot lately. Let me clarify- there will be no babies for a long, long time. But we love to talk about it. We love to daydream and imagine it and what it will be like. Brian is going to be the most incredible father. I have no doubts about it. I'm scared about what kind of a Mom I could be. I have such a knee-jerk reaction with my temper. I'm emotional and I cry easily. I ask too many questions and at times can be too intrusive. I'm so not going to be a cool Mom.
I also get apprehensive about my marriage. I get scared that Brian and I will lose what we have. Our relationship is so close and so complete... I get frightened that it will all change. I do know that having children is something that I could never not experience with Brian. I just don't know when the right time will be for us.
I've been spending a lot of time with my friend Lori, who is thirty-one and a mother of three boys- a hot mommy at that. Four, two and seven weeks old. They are irreisistable and fresh. I love them all to pieces. I can't help but sit and watch and think... "God, this could be me in five years." I watched her through her entire pregnancy. She answered all of my grusome questions and concerns and let me be as curious as I wanted to be. Now that Baby David is here, I hold and rock him like he is my own.
I hate to say it... but I totally have that curious itch. I totally want to know what it is like to be pregnant and to have that baby come home with you.
One of my closest girls, Stephanie, is expecting. Jenna is due in December, with her second baby. Cindy just had a baby girl, Ryana, about two weeks ago. Jeanne is going to have her baby at the end of this month. My sister-in-law Doreen is expecting our third niece or nephew. Our friend Suzette is pregnant with a girl and is due in the summer. My cousin John-Ryan's wife is expecting a baby. My cousin Karla is also pregnant.
Literally, parenthood is all around me.
I was very observant of Sam and my Aunt's relationship this weekend. It is only the two of them and they make one heck of a team. Sam is adopted, like me. He is so intelligent, funny and kind. I love this little boy so much it makes my heart hurt. I love that he calls me Zazzie- because he couldn't pronounce Auntie when he was younger. When he sees me or Brian, he runs to us with hugs and kisses.
There is nothing like that feeling of being loved unconditionally by a little person. And nothing like seeing crocodile tears when he knows he has to go home and doesn't want to leave us behind...
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