Peace

The house is so quiet. I can hear the hum of the ceiling fan through the baby monitor. Brian is out in the city with his brother at the Red Sox vs. Yankee game. I’m here, alone with my thoughts and a never ending glass of cold white wine. My daughter is sleeping peacefully, all bundled up in her bed.

I wish I could bottle up the feeling that I have in my heart right now. There is only one word for it.

Peace.

I can’t remember the last time that I was able to take a moment to just sit and spend a little quality time with my thoughts. I’m marveling at how drastically life has changed around me. In just three short months, my world has turned upside down.

As everyone tells the story, your life completely changes when you have a child to call your own. I met my beautiful daughter on Valentine’s Day. Since then, I have grown and evolved into something that I never thought I could be. I’m a Mother. My heart is full of love and admiration for this perfect little girl that never leaves my side. My mind is heavy at times with thoughts of protecting her and providing the best life I can for her. But, each day is a new adventure. I try to keep it light and fun, never too serious. It’s all about the laughter and enjoying each moment to the fullest. I actually get excited to wake up in the morning because I know that her beautiful face will smile back at me.

Sometimes I hold her tight and just smell her… It’s like I could drink her. Her skin is so soft and her arms nestle into me. When I nurse her, her tiny hands caress my neck and chest, as if to tell me she loves me and make me feel good. She has gotten so big! Her big blue eyes look right into mine, with long, gorgeous eyelashes. She responds to me with coos and big, toothless grins. She loves music and loves to be sung to.

Most of all, she is just gorgeous. I can say it with all of the pride in the world… We made a beautiful baby. I like to tell Brian that our love was so powerful, it split into a third. And each day we sit and marvel at her and the brilliance she brings to our world…

As of Monday, I became a stay-at-home Mom. I resigned from my position, much to my co-workers’ surprise and disappointment. I never thought the day would come. The decision was a difficult one to make, but we went with what felt right in our hearts. As it turns out, I will be working evenings at the restaurant. My husband will be here to put our baby girl to sleep every night. The days will be my time with Rose and I will be able to raise her and be with her.

I’m eternally grateful that it has turned out this way, but it is certainly bittersweet. There are times that I feel lost and that I am still getting my bearings. It is a new challenge for us to manage our time together. We have so many things to look forward to and continue to work as hard as possible to make the best life we can. We have big dreams and they are slowly coming to fruition.

It’s amazing how I can sit back and look at how our lives have altered. I can sit back and say I have a family. One that we created from true love and big expectations for one another. I never thought I could feel so much love. At the end of the day, my entire universe is here under this roof with the two people that I love and admire more than I could ever express. It feels so good.