Up at Sunrise

It's become my daily routine.  I roll over after a long, restless night of what could be called sleep and stare at the clock.  It's always 6 am.  I am up at sunrise every morning.  At first, I used to resent it.  I would be wide awake with a hungry belly, pacing the floors and hoping that B would notice and wake up to be with me.  But now, I enjoy the time alone.  I count on it.

This morning, like every morning before it, I opened my eyes to the morning darkness.  I then heaved my nine month pregnant self off of the couch (I have not slept in my bed in weeks.  The couch is my new favorite place to rest.)  in search of something to eat.  Sometimes, it is egg whites with veggies or a bowl of cereal.    Sometimes- like this morning-  it is two oatmeal cookie with pomegranates made by my Mom, who is visiting.  I digress.

After I have satisfied my insatiable need for something to eat, I then prop myself up in our recliner chair and throw my Ipod on.  I meditate for a half an hour every single morning.  This is probably the hardest and most challenging thing that I do every day, and I have to say proudly that I have become very good at it.  I can bring myself into such a relaxed state whenever I want to.  It's been making my lifestyle so much more calm and peaceful.  I don't think I've ever felt so safe and so secure.

The past few days have started to become a bit of a challenge for me.  I'm 35 weeks along.  Basically, I need to make it to 37 weeks to have a full term baby.  40 weeks would be my official due date.  What women fail to communicate with one another, is that you are technically pregnant for ten months.  Not nine.  Which, frankly, is a huge difference around now. 

My body is starting to give me signals that we are coming to the end.  My belly is low and there are starting to be little pulls and pangs.  They don't bother me too much but it certainly makes me stop and raise my eyebrows and wonder... Is this it?

The baby is moving so differently now.  There aren't anymore of those pleasant butterfly flutter kicks.  The baby now moves as though it is fluffing a pillow and stretching it's knees, elbows and bum to move itself around until it is comfortable.  When I sit really still you can actually see my tummy bulge and flex with all of the movement.  It's wild.

Coming to the end of this journey is bittersweet.  I've truly enjoyed being pregnant.  There are so many ups and downs while experiencing it.  But for me, I was very fortunate.  I was never sick once with morning sickness.  I don't have a single stretch mark.  I've gained the baby weight slowly and worked hard to eat healthy. 

Truth be told, I am looking forward to having my body back again.  I miss being able to lie in my husband's arms and snuggle comfortably.  I miss sipping on a cocktail and feeling sexy in a tight pair of jeans that show off my figure.  I miss my bed.  I miss being limble enough to bend down and tie my shoes.  I'm definitely looking forward to having some of those things back again...

But to my surprise, I am going to miss this.  I love my big, round belly.  I love the smiles and nods I get from random strangers and compliments from friends and family.  I am joining a new club of people, I'm becoming a parent.  I never understood why people would even dare to venture into this adventure.  But now, it is starting to sink in. 

The love I feel for this person that is part of me and the love of my life is something that I don't know if I will ever be able to capture with words.  It is above me and all around me.  It has totally changed my life and my perspective on the world.

This warm, comforting feeling of having this amazing little being inside of me is something that I will never forget.  I know that the baby is safe, warm and fed because I am carrying it with me.  I've never felt so fulfilled.  I feel like I was meant to do this.  The peace I feel at this time in my life is so difficult to explain.  I've grown and changed so much as a person.  I can see it and feel it.  The love I have for my life has intensified so greatly, that I wonder if I would have learned this lesson without being pregnant.

My eyes are so opened to the possibilities of what is to come.  I would be lying if I said that I am not a bit frightened.  I'm apprehensive.  Not about the birth or labor that I am facing - I am so confidant and secure that my body knows what to do, that it doesn't even dawn on me to be fearful.  What takes my breath away a bit, is the fact that in just four weeks (give or take) I will be someone's Mother.  There will be a little person looking to me to show them the world and give them the world.  And in return, I will expect the world from them and want only the very best for them. 

Only 33 days to go... Until my world turns completely upside down.  I cannot wait.