It hit me today as I was having a long email conversation with one of my best friends... I felt out of touch. She was catching me up on her life, her job, her new love. We talk almost every day and today was no different than our normal chat between the two of us. But suddenly, I couldn't help but think how much I wanted to be hearing this news over a stiff cocktail, barside, with my favorite pair of stilettos on.
So much has changed since I got pregnant. And frankly, while this has been the most incredible experience I could have asked for, it has been a long time since I have felt like myself. Seven months since I have been able to pop open a bottle of wine and get down to the nitty-gritty with my favorite girls. No late nights out, juke-box stealing or dancing with arms over my head. It's all become abundantly clear that while I am still myself, I have evolved in such a way that I didn't know I had in me. It's like I am finally meeting a version of me that I always hoped I would be someday, just haven't had the courage to get there.
The biggest adjustment that I wasn't quite prepared for, was how interaction with a few friends has changed. Just like when we made the move to New York, friends and relationships changed. It is truly eye-opening what can happen when you decide to go on a certain path and who follows right beside you and who doesn't. Becoming pregnant made a friendship or two unravel. It changes the delicate balance between two friends.
Even in my very early stages of being pregnant, I fell in love hard and fast with this being that we had created. It distracts you on a completely different level, leaving less time to spend fostering friendships. Your time is spent thinking, preparing and daydreaming about this incredible change. It's frightening and magnificient all in the same moment. Inevitably, certain friendships fall to the wayside. I guess that is just the ebb and flow of life.
Lately, I have felt so tethered to the apartment and to assuming this new identity that I will have in just a few short weeks. I'm going to be someone's Mama. I'm thrilled with all of it... I hate to even give the impression that I am not grateful for what is about to happen. But it is certainly bittersweet knowing that my life will never be the same again.
I am so, so thankful for the people that we have around us, supporting us and encouraging us to be brave. These are the moments, right before the biggest event we've experienced yet as a couple, that makes me grateful to be right where I am part of this life we've made on our own.
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