Always Stay Beautiful

We walked quietly into the mist of the rain. My ears were ringing from the loud roar of the music and laughter that we had just left behind in the bar. Fiona, Lorraine and Kelly were waving their goodbyes to us and jumping into a cab.

I walked ahead in silence. My feet were beginning to hurt from the hours of standing on them. My pretty little black dress was feeling a bit frumpy this early in the morning. I felt the warm buzz of the vodka swimming though my veins and felt my subconscious thoughts yielding to its strength.

I suddenly felt my husband’s arms around my shoulders. He began to laugh and talk about the night’s events, taunting me for my silly behavior. I smirked remembering all of it. Brian mentioned that I was lucky to have a “sister” in Fiona. I couldn’t agree more.

Suddenly, it all went terribly wrong. I felt the sting of the tears welling up in my eyes. As one crocodile tear began to spill over, I saw the look of shock on his face. “Why on earth are you crying?” I didn’t really know why I was crying. I just knew that I wanted to cry. Of course I knew the tears were being coaxed out by the ridiculous amount of alcohol that had been consumed that night. But it was a fun, rowdy, happy night of celebrating family ties that did not deserve to end with any tears.

I found myself in the front seat, tears running fully down my face. I just let it out. Somewhere between Beckett’s and the FDR, I began to babble. It had been on my mind all weekend. I don’t know where it came from, but it was there.

I’m adopted.

I’ve always loved being adopted. I love having a different story and a different beginning than everyone else that I know. I love that I can proudly say that my family was built on the truest kind of love on the planet.

Suddenly, I was really angry about it. I decided that 2am on Saturday, June 13th in our front seat was the best arena for me to just basically smear it all over the dashboard.

I have no blood relation to anyone… I don’t feel like I belong to anything… Sometimes I feel like I am alone in this big world… Am I really glad to be different…? It rocked my world that this came out. I didn’t know where it came from, but it certainly moved me to realize that there were some underlying emotions there.

I woke up the next morning in a hung over haze, trying to suppress what I felt. Brian just held me and let me know how special I was, and said all of the things I needed to hear.

That night at the restaurant, I had a table with a couple that were in their early seventies. We got to talking and somehow the subject came up again. I’m adopted. I did my normal presentation of my background and how we celebrate my “Gotcha Day”. The night before played clearly in my head, and I tried not to cringe.

The woman at the table reached out and touched my hand. “We are adoptive parents of four children. It has been an incredible gift to raise our children and I feel so fortunate.” She went on to tell me her side of the story, what it was like to bring home her children the first time. Her husband spoke of how amazing adoption is and that family is not nature, it is nurture. He said, while directly looking into my eyes, “A true family is the one that is with you through sickness and health and loves you for your entire lifetime while never leaving your side.”

At the end of the meal, the husband stood up and gave me a light rub on my arm, “Always stay beautiful. Just the way you are.” It was then that my heart lightened.

I don’t know how that conversation happened, or how they ended up at my table when I needed them, but someone sent them to me to set me straight.

Whoever did send them, I heard the message loud and clear...


Quote from JustLia