At this point, I don’t know whether to be frustrated that there is another twenty or be relieved that there is another more time. I’m still getting used to the idea that I am growing a human being—my son or daughter—in my belly. Some days, I feel like letting that little person can stay in there as long as it wants to. I’m just not quite ready yet. Other days, I am so eager to meet them, to hold them and to see what they look like.
Y’know that song “Once in a Lifetime” by the Talking Heads? That is how I feel at some points during this adventure. How did I get here? And why on earth is time going so quickly?
I had a conversation with my hair stylist one afternoon. I said to her, “There are moments of sheer panic where I think, wait… I’m still seventeen. I shouldn’t be having a baby.” She laughed and said that she has a son in the second grade. She said to herself one day, "I'm at a parent/teacher conference. So… does this make me like… a parent now? Is this appropriate? Because really, I’m still in high school.”
It’s so true. I feel like I’m pretending. Putting on this big cloak of motherhood and becoming a parent is daunting. I guess that is because you just don’t know what to expect. You just have to over prepare and then go with the flow.
Don’t get me wrong, I am so grateful for all of it. I’m well aware that I have been given a gift and I am embracing it the best way that I know how. There are moments of excitement and awe, especially as I am sitting here and I can feel all of this movement in my tummy. I keep imagining the little pea moving around trying to find a comfortable spot to rest. Kind of like me… when I thrash around and fluff pillows in the middle of the night. Go ahead, little pea. Keep elbowing your way into that comfortable little spot. I don’t mind.
Now on to my preggo vent…
I’ve gained nine pounds. I’m twenty weeks along and at this point the books say I should be anywhere from 10-14 pounds. I feel good about where I am in the weight gain and I still feel confidant. I’m exercising and eating healthy. I’m aware that I have to gain weight in order to keep the baby healthy. It is just so strange to hear a doctor tell you that you have to gain 25-30 pounds when you have worked to maintain a weight far from that.
Today I confronted the fact that I have nothing to wear to a wedding I am attending this weekend. I have a cute and flowy LBD from Ann Taylor. It has been in my closet for quite a while. It’s always been a bit too big on me, so I thought I had my solution, seeing as my waistline has changed drastically. I tried it on last night. Not only did B have to hold the dress together in order to zip it, but I could only stand while wearing it. That was eye opening.
On my lunch break today, I ventured off to Pea In the Pod to try and find something suitable. After trying on about twelve different polka dot, lace and red dresses under the unforgiving fluorescent lights, I finally settled on another LBD… or should I say BBD. Anyhow, what an experience. Those mirrors were horrific. I had to stifle a laugh at one point. My side profile was no joke! What did make it pleasant were the lovely sales people that smile at you and offer you animal crackers, OJ and water. There is even a restroom in the boutique while you are shopping. What a sanctuary! All shopping experiences should be so accomodating.
Here’s the dress I ended up with:
And can someone please tell me, is this a cruel joke? Who on earth would find it acceptable to give a pair of maternity pants this name? “Secret Fit Belly Twill Pork Chop Pockets Maternity Pants” I mean… really? As my sweet Gina put it, "What's next? A rib roast skirt?"
1 comment:
I've also been thinking, maybe you need a T-bone take or some prime rib pumps
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